Kitchen Chaos

Anyone enrolling in Khairul Aming’s (KA) cooking class this Ramadan? Honestly, I never knew a digital cooking series could be this hilarious. Maybe I’m just easily triggered, or maybe it’s because Malaysians, in general, are just top-tier comedians without even trying.

There are so many instances that showcase this humorous side of us, but I’ve noticed it more lately through my TikTok encounters. Take, for example, the recent "beef" between Malaysian netizens and South Korean netizens (K-netz) that spiraled after a concert in Kuala Lumpur. What started as a minor grievance blew out of proportion the moment some K-netz tried to belittle Malaysia.

Big mistake. Huge.

It was unfortunate for them to bring racism into the mix because the moment Southeast Asia was mentioned, the "Avengers" of the region assembled. Our Indonesian neighbors stepped in like a protective big brother, and man, the comment sections were gold. I was literally doubling over with laughter. The best part? Some netizens openly admitted they weren't even looking for a "victory". They were just there for the vibes and the pure joy of annoying the K-netz. It’s that lepak energy brought to a global digital battlefield.

But back to the KA's cooking class. The dynamic between Khairul Aming and his "students" is peak Malaysian humor. I love how netizens have created their own lore based on his recipes. You have the "Deans' List Students" who follow every gram precisely, and the "Repeat Paper" group who end up with something that looks like a science experiment gone wrong.

However, nothing tested our collective iman quite like the recent Caramel Pudding incident.

If you’ve been on TikTok lately, you’ll see the "Puding Karamel" massacre. It looks so simple in KA’s video, appearing smooth, wobbly, and golden. But in the hands of the average Malaysian? It has turned into a tragedy of scrambled eggs and burnt sugar.

The funniest part? KA’s own reaction. He has officially reached "disappointed father" status. My favorite interaction was when a student posted a particularly disastrous attempt, and KA simply replied:

"Bukan murid saya." (Not my student.)

Getting "excommunicated" by the nation's favorite chef is now the ultimate badge of culinary shame! Some netizens are even joking that their pudding didn't "fail", it was just still fasting and refused to come out of the mold. Others are lamenting that even the legendary Pak Nil joined the "Recipe Betrayal" (Resepi Derhaka) club, so there’s hope for the rest of us mortals yet.

If the pudding was the practical exam, the ingredients list is the confusing theory paper. We are currently embroiled in the "Halia Sebesar Ibu Jari" crisis. Netizens are out here measuring their thumbs against their ginger roots like they’re in a forensic lab. One user even lamented, 'My thumb is tiny, so does that mean I’m excused from the spicy taste, or am I just failing the measurement module?' It’s the only cooking class where you need a ruler and a DNA test just to sauté some onions

It’s fascinating how a simple cooking video or a random internet spat can foster such a sense of community. Whether we are defending our borders against keyboard warriors or crying over a failed Puding Gula Hangus, the Malaysian spirit remains the same: we do it with a side of sarcasm and a whole lot of heart.

P/s : I think I am in the "Ponteng Class" Squad which refers to those who just watch the videos , having zero intention of cooking but 100% intention of judging everyone else’s effort. Hahahaha...

Ketawa Penawar Duka

Seorang lelaki teringin hendak makan cucur udang. Jadi, dia pun pergilah ke pasar malam berdekatan rumahnya. Di sana, dia nampak seorang Pak Cik menjual cucur udang dengan harga RM1 untuk 3 keping cucur. Dia pun membeli 3 keping dan terus pulang.

Tiba di rumah, lelaki tadi dengan rasa tidak sabar mula memakan kepingan pertama. Malangnya, sehingga habis dimakan, dia tidak menemui seekor udangpun di dalamnya. Lalu dia menjamah pula kepingan yang kedua. Juga tiada. Dia berasa sungguh kecewa kerana kepingan yang terakhir juga tidak mengandungi udang. Dia merasa tertipu.

Pada hari berikutnya, lelaki itu singgah lagi di pasar tersebut dan ternampak Pak Cik penjual cucur udang itu. Lelaki ini berasa adalah menjadi tanggungjawabnya untuk menegur perbuatan Pak Cik itu. Pun begitu dia berasa sedikit bimbang dan ragu hendak menegur, maklumlah...orang tua ini kan sensitif, entahkan kena marah pula. Perlahan-lahan lelaki ini menghampiri gerai Pak Cik itu dan mula menyusun kata.

"Pak Cik, saya cakap sikit jangan marah ya Pak Cik..."

"Ada apa nak?" tanya Pak Cik itu sambil tangannya sibuk membalik-balikkan gorengan cucur dalam kuali.

"Begini, Pak Cik...errr...Pak Cik jual cucur udang, tapiiii...tak ada udang pun..."

Si Pak Cik segera membeliakkan mata. Mukanya merah. Alamak! Aku dah agak...kata lelaki itu dalam hati. Ternyata tegurannya tidak disenangi oleh Pak Cik.

"Sini sekejap, nak" si Pak Cik menarik lelaki itu ke sudut tepi gerainya seperti tidak mahu perbualan mereka didengari orang lain.

"Anak cakap Pak Cik jual cucur udang tapi tak letak udang ya...

Lelaki tadi angguk. Pak Cik menjeling ke gerai sebelah dan membuka mulutnya dalam nada berbisik, "Habis tu, yang sebelah Pak Cik ni jual cucur badak...tak ada pun badaknya!"

Haahaaaa....good one la Baizi....ceh! Beria-ia le aku mendengor dengan tekun. Sekali terkena daaa....

Lawak Orang Sarikat Telekong

Entah mari mana hanyut cerpeng bahase Ganu ni ke inbox Aku. Kerah peruk juge ler...Terima kasih la kawan hok dok antor mende ni...suka sangat!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mamat rase malassang nök bangung tiddo. Nye gulling-gulling atah katil. Pusing kiri, pusing kanang. Serba dök kene dia berase. Mök Lijöh blèbèr hanyaar kot luör pitu, “Mat! Matahari nök tinggi galöh döh nim, ka’ak rezeki kalu bangung lèwat-lèwat. Mung tak dök kheje ke ari nim?”

Dök tahang kene blèbèr Mamat Ppayang pong bikah bangung ceggat dari katil. Baru dia teringat pukol 11 ada kene wat kheje sikit hök Böh dia suroh kemarèng. Mamat pong jungaa tangang dia ambèk tuala. Pèsèngang mandi P. Ramlee pulök pagi nim, al maklunglah pukol 10.30 döh. Dari Manir nök jembe ke Jalang Batah Baru tu jauh jugök. Pah tu nök kena bereti stèsèng minyok Petronah pulök dekat sipang trapik lait Pulau Musang. Döp ingat starang nok tamböh minyök kemarèng. Dök dang 10 minit Mamat siap belake döh. Minung air kopi-ö setegök dua lepah tu pakaa kasut kulit atah tangge kak lambo. Baru beli minggu lepah tu kasut tu. Bekilat ssiö! Lepah tu Mamat pong stak möto vroooooong hale ke bandö. Mötosika sèkèng hèng jer, tapi boleh tahang lah.

Jalang Batah Baru ader banyök bangunang jabbat dengang kedaa. Kalu hale ke depang sikit ada kedaa Astro, hök tv kene bayö bulang-bulang tu. Kalu tebèng dök bayö jer kena pötöng hanyaar. Lepah pada suraa Flat Batah Baru tu ada lèrèk kedaa èkong. Kedaa makang pong ada gök. Kalu jallang sikit lagi sebelum kedaa Astro tu, ada kawasang lapang tepat juaa khète baru cap Hyundaa dengang Kia.

Di antara kedaa èkong dengang kedaa Astro tu ada celöh-celöh tu jabbat löyar baru buka. Pèsèngang baru pah jadi löyar tu Mamat mari mmkir sörrang. Slo-slo Mamat naèk tikat dua. Napök gaye ader dua örang jer kherani. Llaki sörang, ppuang sörang. Boleh tahang hök ppuang tu. Tapi pakaa cicing molèk ngak kat jari manih tu. Ttunang döh pèsèngang tu.. Dök napök gambö starang. Berat nnanang. Mamat kabö ke kherani ppuang tu dia nök jjuper Tuang Löyar. Hayat hidup Mamat dök rajing jjuper löyar skali habuk. Cakkak dengang löyar jauh skali.. Nye mari debö wèh.

Mamat pong ketok pitu masok. Löyar tu tengöh pegang gagang talipung cap Panasonic kat telinga dia. Wayar talipung tu tengöh beseranggöh lagi. “I dah uruskan fixed deposit you sebanyak RM10 juta tu. Lagi satu, minggu depan ni, I nak you ikut I ke Singapore. HSBC Singapore dah buat arrangement untuk finance syarikat klien I, tak banyak, dalam 20 juta Sing dollar. Firm I jadi lawyer jugak tu. I turun KL minggu ni, kita dinner kat Shook di Starhill ok?”

Mamat bukang pandaa sangat cakak orang putih. Tapi bila dengö haa pitih die pahang. Mainang apa juta-juta nim? Mamat mari mmikir.

Löyar muder tu pong letök gagang talipung sambil-sambil kheling ujung mata tengök ke Mamat. “Yer, nök mender? Saya sibuk sangat ni, dök tengök ker?” löyar tu tanye Mamat.

Mamat pucat kesi. Dök tahu nök kata mende. Nök jawak salöh. Tak mboh jawak salöh. Macang mase nök bangung tiddo sakning. Serbe dök kene. Sudöhhang Mamat tebèng jugök jawak.

“Sebenörnyer tuang, sayer nim kheje dengang sarikat Teleköng. Saya mari nok sambung wayar talipung hök tuang wak lölök cakkak sakning. Dök sambung lagi wayar tu, guaner lah tuang boleh cakkak döh!”

Muka tuang löyar tu jadi biru hèrang!

Döh nök wat guana starang! Nök èksèng dök betepat! Ada jugök löyar kècèk orang dèh! Pecöh bo! Orang jamang lenim kata “kantoi”

Five Minutes Management Course

This morning an ex-UUM friend sent me an email. So far she never fails to share interesting articles with me and I find this one too really amusing. Being quite familiar with the "management" things around here (err...asam garam kehidupan..), I could'nt agree more. Don't know where she gets this from, would like to share it here.

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel
and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?''It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable
exposure.

Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her
gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up
her leg again. The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:

If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
opportunity.

Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch
when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.' 'Me first! Me first!'
says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat,
without a care in the world.'Puff! She's gone.

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing
on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas
and the love of my life.'Puff! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager. The manager says,
'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'

Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4:

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you
and do nothing?' The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.
All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5:

A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to be able to get to the
top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull.
They're packed with nutrients.' The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and
found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of
the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:

Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Lesson 6:

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze
and fell to the ground into a large field.While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of
cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:

(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

Kisah Anak2 Ismet Ulam Raja

Alkisah tersebutlah suatu hikayat...

"Apa pandangan Tuan Penasihat? Sain atau tidak? tanya saudagar barangan purba kepada penasihatnya. Lalu dijawab dengan penuh keyakinan...
"Abang-abangnya yang bijak lagikan kita boleh jual, inikan pula adiknya. Sain, jangan takut", kata si penasihat.
"Ha...ha...ha....Tuan Penasihat, 20 persen!".

Tetiba teringat pulak cerita Tiga Abdul. Tak tahulah berapa kali dah tengok kat Astro Prima. Walaupun berulang kali tetap tak jemu. Kisah itu walaupun komedi, tapi penuh dengan mesej. Bak kata orang, gelak ...gelak jugak...tapi yang mana teladan elok kita kena ambil buat peringatan. Jangan suka menipu, kelak kita nanti kena tipu jugak. Hidup ini macam roda, ada masa kita kat atas ada masa kat bawah pulak. Jangan aniaya orang, hidup tak berkat. Kalau dari sudut perniagaan pulak, kalau buat perjanjian...kena teliti. Pastikan perjanjian tidak berat sebelah. Dan be specific. Contohnya, "Oleh sebab ayahanda marah, maka mengikut perjanjiaan ini ayahanda akan dijual seluruhnya"....huhuhu...kena la letak...marah tu kat mana limitnya...kalau dalam cerita nie asal marah jer kena jual. So, boleh buat apa saja asalkan orang tu marah. Banyaklah alternatifnya. Kalau bijak, kenalah bagi syarat yang lebih baik, ada escape clause ker...he...he...

Aspek rumahtangga pun ada jugak. Abdul Wahab dan Abdul Wahib kena jual dengan adanya kerjasama dari isteri-isteri mereka. Abdul Wahib sudah salah perkiraan. Katanya kepada Abdul Wahab, "Kita mana boleh marah kekanda. Apabila sudah kawin, kita bawa isteri kita berpindah ke rumah lain. Kalau kita marah sekalipun, ayahanda mana tahu. Jadi, kita mana boleh kena jual", Betul gak, kan? Tapi malangnya isteri-isteri mereka dalam cerita ini macam tak cinta jer pada mereka, perkahwinan semata-mata mengikut arahan ayah mereka dengan niat membolot harta. Huh...nawaitu ajer dah tak betul. Dan Abdul Wahub sungguh bertuah kerana walaupun dia dan Ghasidah macam membenci satu sama lain...tapi diam-diam ada cinta. Ghasidah sudah pecah lobang dan tahulah Abdul Wahub muslihat bapa mertuanya si kaki penipu itu. Isteri kena taat dan setia pada suaminya. Walaupun Ghasidah macam serba-salah...tapi dia tahu suaminya bertindak begitu untuk memberi pengajaran demi kebaikan semua. So, pada saat suami memerlukan sokongan, isteri kena berdiri teguh. Jangan termakan hasutan orang. Baru rumahtangga mendapat berkat.

So, pengajaran cerita ini ialah..."Tak guna ada banyak harta melimpah ruah kalau kepala kosong, dada kosong...sebab harta yang menimbun itu lama kelamaan akan habis jugak. Tapi kepala dan dada yang ada isi , boleh cari jalan mendapatkan harta...dan ilmu yang ada itu boleh menjaga kita. Sebaliknya, harta pula meletakkan bebanan sebab kita kena jaga dia...ikatan persaudaraan pun boleh putus sebab harta."

Tepuk dada, tanyalah iman.

Cemburu di Era

Ada seorang pendengar Radio Era menelefon untuk memperkatakan tentang topik yang diperbincangkan pagi ini iaitu CEMBURU.
Maka bertanyalah si deejay radio, "Siapa yang cemburukan siapa?".
Lalu dijawab selamba, "Orang cemburukan isteri saya".
Nana pun mencelah, "Isteri awak cantik ya?"
Dengan selamba jugak lelaki tu menjawab, "Tak...saya yang hensem".
Wakakakaka...maka berderailah tawa deejay bertiga tu kat konti radio tu.

Maka berceritalah si lelaki, dek kehensemannya si isteri yang rupa paras biasa-biasa itu menjadi mangsa cemburu wanita-wanita yang tak puas hati kerana dia berjaya memiliki seorang lelaki yang hensem sebagai suami. Ady yang kelakar-kelakar bahasa tu pun bertanya, "Agaknya kehenseman awak tu tahap apa?
Dan jawapan yang diberi , "Tahap Gaban!". Lagi sekali mengekek-ngekek la diaorang nie ketawa. Bukan takat diaorang jer...aku yang tengah memandu nie pun tergelak-gelak. Agaknya hairan la pemandu-pemandu kat sebelah tu...mesti kata aku dah sewel ke hapa gelak sorang-sorang...he...he...

Pada dasarnya Aku memang la seorang yang agak kelakar...bukan la macam kumpulan Scenario atau Apek tu...tapi memang mudah la mengesan dan merasa benda-benda kelakar dan menterjemahkannya kembali untuk menjadikan aku pun part of that jenaka. Dulu-dulu masa belajar sanggup tak miss majalah Gila-Gila sebab suka sangat dengan bahasa-bahasa kelakarnya yang bukan jenis cap ayam. Walaupun para pejuang bahasa menuduh majalah ini membawa kesan tidak baik kepada bahasa Melayu...aku rasa okay jer...Aku masih tetap mampu berbahasa dengan baik...sastera dapat A1 tau...ha..ha...ha...
Anyway, back to topik pagi di Era, rasanya memang menghiburkan dengar lawak diaorang nie. Menceriakan pagi hari aku...thanks Era.